Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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