I CAN MOONWALK!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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