Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
