im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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