girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
