Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
