At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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