I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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