I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
