I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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