Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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