I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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