i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
