Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
