i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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