I will die if light touches me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
