There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
