The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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