Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
