We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
