My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
