Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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