Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
