I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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