Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
