Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
