No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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