apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
zippers are such a cool invention
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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