R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
