I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
