I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found your dick twin last night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
