**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
