he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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