did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
