ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
