remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
