I think I won the penis lottery.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
