According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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