Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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