we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
