I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
