What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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