Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
