He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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