her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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