I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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