I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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