I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
