No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize