Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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