My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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