Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
