hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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