Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
