I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
