Cold hands, warm shart.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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