Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
