Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
