you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
