I accidentally had phone sex last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Congratulations! We have a period
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
