I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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