24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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