How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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