What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
