They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize