Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
