She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
