I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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