idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
