Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize