just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my liver is dry heaving
You were trust falling into bushes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
