i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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