dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize