you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize