my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
