Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize