Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize