i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
