I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
