Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
