Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize