i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
