I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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