I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
