my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize