How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
