He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
