I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
