and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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