my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
