textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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