Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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