i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up under a house in Key West
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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