meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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