I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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