Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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