I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
