You can't motorboat a personality
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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