And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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