I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
