Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i drank out of a bidet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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