dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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