Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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