Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
