So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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