i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
