I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
