i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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