Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize