Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
