I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize