They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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