OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
