They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In America we eat man semen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize