You're so nebulous sometimes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
