i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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