I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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