I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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